i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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