The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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