are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
