ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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