dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
