this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize