when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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