If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
