Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
