Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
