shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
