this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
