just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
