If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
