i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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