just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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