You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
