brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
