we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
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