I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I told you penises don't tan
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.