Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle