I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
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I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
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Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.