Texts From Last Night

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  (212): View more from New York

  She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.

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  (212): She was not exactly lady-like. Down there. http://tfl.nu/8oh7
  Replies (7) Good night (697) Bad night (1611)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.

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  (410): You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out. http://tfl.nu/phll
  Replies (17) Good night (3225) Bad night (626)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities

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  (804): I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities http://tfl.nu/vh2c
  Replies (16) Good night (4019) Bad night (599)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.

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  (610): I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina. http://tfl.nu/pcj6
  Replies (38) Good night (4236) Bad night (758)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.

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  (443): The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion. http://tfl.nu/57n6
  Replies (31) Good night (653) Bad night (4597)
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  (845): View more from New York

  my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe

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  (845): my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe http://tfl.nu/yy5r
  Replies (10) Good night (1498) Bad night (4382)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.

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  (517): woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner. http://tfl.nu/lvfr
  Replies (13) Good night (1959) Bad night (4275)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.

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  (770): Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever. http://tfl.nu/w4kd
  Replies (7) Good night (2592) Bad night (1219)
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  (562): View more from California

  Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?

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  (562): Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment? http://tfl.nu/8kce
  Replies (2) Good night (935) Bad night (422)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.

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  (360): I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved. http://tfl.nu/qhmk
  Replies (5) Good night (815) Bad night (613)
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  (315): View more from New York

  we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back

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  (315): we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back http://tfl.nu/uot7
  Replies (2) Good night (472) Bad night (800)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.

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  (814): Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn. http://tfl.nu/bgu3
  Replies (2) Good night (445) Bad night (225)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.

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  (404): Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack. http://tfl.nu/ljkk
  Replies (4) Good night (509) Bad night (200)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus

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  (740): we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus http://tfl.nu/ulnv
  Replies (0) Good night (512) Bad night (199)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.

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  (416): This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic. http://tfl.nu/tsif
  Replies (6) Good night (654) Bad night (304)

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