i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Randomize
