Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm getting married
To pizza
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
