speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse