Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
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I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My breasts were aching with rage.
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OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.