The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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