I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
