I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
