She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
