The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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