just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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