We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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