Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(302): View more from Delaware

she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>

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(901): View more from Tennessee

Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.

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(225): View more from Louisiana

I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.

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(713): View more from Texas

Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?

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(734): View more from Michigan

It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."

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(908): View more from New Jersey

I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk

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(661): View more from California

Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.

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(509): View more from Washington

I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.

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(+61): View more from Australia

there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall

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