thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
