the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
