what if every blade of grass was a penis?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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