my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Is it penis luge time yet?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
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