I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
