She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
