I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
