I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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