Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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