forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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