doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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