Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
