considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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