She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
