oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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