this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
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its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
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thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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