You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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