Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
