i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
