come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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