Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
