whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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