She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You're like the curious george of whores
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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