I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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