You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
