I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
