The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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