Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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