honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
should my penis look like a turkey
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
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We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
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That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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