I molested 6 butterflies tonight
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
