good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
