drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
