jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
