Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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