He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
