Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
