If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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