I wish I could punch you in the face.
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
