New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
