Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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