I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
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It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
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How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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