I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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