I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
just found out that she named her cat after me.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
