It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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